He hit the pause button on his controller and looked up at the ceiling. Whatever he did this time really pissed Kiki off but her screaming stopped after her first complaint, so he returned to his game.
A few minutes later Kiki’s body blocked the tv screen as she stood there, hands on hips, tapping her foot, the whole pissed off girlfriend stance she had seen in the movies. Fully mastered by the ripe old age of twenty-two.
He sighed and paused his game. “Yes, Kiki? What did I do wrong this time?”
“You know damn well what you did! I told you about it last time! I damn near fell in the damn toilet because you left the damn seat up again!”
Living with Kiki was not like living with the guys. Leaving the seat up was seen as a courtesy to the next guy. Who wants to touch the nasty seat! David looked at Kiki and her beyond furious face and sighed. “Fine…sorry. I’ll remember next time. Okay?”
Wrong thing to say. “OKAY? OKAY? IT’S NOT OKAY YOU FILTHY PIG! DO YOU THINK I ENJOY TOUCHING THE SEAT AFTER YOU’VE USED IT! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO MANNERS!”
Yeah, whatever did happen to manners, he thought. He leaned back on the couch, looked at his girlfriend of two years, and sighed. He started chuckling as a particular day from years ago entered his mind. His father had left the seat up and everyone heard his mother’s splash as it echoed through their small mobile home. His dad shrugged and his mom came out of the bathroom laughing. David didn’t think it was very funny, but then his mom explained why it was. She said, “Men can’t aim worth spit. So if he leaves the seat up, it means he can’t piss all over where I need to sit. I’m the one who forgot to put it down, so why would I get mad at him?” His dad started laughing. Later that day, his dad said arguing over a toilet seat said a lot about a person. “Do you want to marry someone that never thinks of you? Getting mad over the toilet seat is like that. Women are really the only ones who use ’em. I just sit on the rim when I need to…go. If it’s so important to them, then why is it my responsibility to make sure its perfect for ’em?”
He didn’t really understand what his dad meant until just then. Kiki standing there between him and his game because he didn’t take care of all her needs the way she wanted him to. It’s a seat. She had to be taken care of.
David took a deep breath and stood up. She watched in shock as he disconnected his game system, handed her the house keys, and start heading for the door. That’s when she started screaming louder than he had ever heard anyone in his life…and his mom could yell. The windows rattled Kiki was yelling so loud. As the front door closed behind him for the last time, he never felt freer and closer to his dad then he did at that moment.