Fighting For The Right To Sit

“DANGIT DAVID!”

He hit the pause button on his controller and looked up at the ceiling. Whatever he did this time really pissed Kiki off but her screaming stopped after her first complaint, so he returned to his game.

A few minutes later Kiki’s body blocked the tv screen as she stood there, hands on hips, tapping her foot, the whole pissed off girlfriend stance she had seen in the movies. Fully mastered by the ripe old age of twenty-two.

He sighed and paused his game. “Yes, Kiki? What did I do wrong this time?”

“You know damn well what you did! I told you about it last time! I damn near fell in the damn toilet because you left the damn seat up again!”

Living with Kiki was not like living with the guys. Leaving the seat up was seen as a courtesy to the next guy. Who wants to touch the nasty seat! David looked at Kiki and her beyond furious face and sighed. “Fine…sorry. I’ll remember next time. Okay?”

Wrong thing to say. “OKAY? OKAY? IT’S NOT OKAY YOU FILTHY PIG! DO YOU THINK I ENJOY TOUCHING THE SEAT AFTER YOU’VE USED IT! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO MANNERS!”

Yeah, whatever did happen to manners, he thought. He leaned back on the couch, looked at his girlfriend of two years, and sighed. He started chuckling as a particular day from years ago entered his mind. His father had left the seat up and everyone heard his mother’s splash as it echoed through their small mobile home. His dad shrugged and his mom came out of the bathroom laughing. David didn’t think it was very funny, but then his mom explained why it was. She said, “Men can’t aim worth spit. So if he leaves the seat up, it means he can’t piss all over where I need to sit. I’m the one who forgot to put it down, so why would I get mad at him?” His dad started laughing. Later that day, his dad said arguing over a toilet seat said a lot about a person. “Do you want to marry someone that never thinks of you? Getting mad over the toilet seat is like that. Women are really the only ones who use ’em. I just sit on the rim when I need to…go. If it’s so important to them, then why is it my responsibility to make sure its perfect for ’em?”

He didn’t really understand what his dad meant until just then. Kiki standing there between him and his game because he didn’t take care of all her needs the way she wanted him to. It’s a seat. She had to be taken care of.

David took a deep breath and stood up. She watched in shock as he disconnected his game system, handed her the house keys, and start heading for the door. That’s when she started screaming louder than he had ever heard anyone in his life…and his mom could yell. The windows rattled Kiki was yelling so loud. As the front door closed behind him for the last time, he never felt freer and closer to his dad then he did at that moment.

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Ten Things To Not Say When Interviewing People

Hello Everyone…sorry for not being about as much today, but I have to earn $$ since I still don’t have my son’s school’s fees yet and they are due on the 6th…so I have been out looking for a job (again…as usual). Today’s venture into that hell hole included the following ten questions and statements….

  1. Writing isn’t a job.
  2. What makes you more important than the other applicants?
  3. Who’s you’re baby daddy?
  4. Why did you choose to be unemployed for so long, are you too lazy to find a job?
  5. When did you get clean?
  6. Have you asked your church for help?
  7. Do you not know how to use a toothbrush?
  8. Do you have better looking clothes?
  9. You look old enough to be my grandma…how old are you?
  10. How do you get around without a car?
  11. BONUS STATEMENT: I am so sick of you people lying about baby daddy not living with you just to take money from hard working taxpayers like me.

 

So….yeah….that’s my collection from today…and people wonder why I get jaded sometimes. I need to get out of this town! I need a job to earn money to get out of this town! Yeah….I live in a s*** hole town right now, but I really have no other choice.

It’s been a hard day. And people wonder why I have become a hermit.

The Silent Auction

The Overlook Hotel was hosting a silent auction to raise money for refurbishing the old ballroom to its former glory. There were all kinds of things to bid on, ranging from an old ripped top hat to dinner with Donald Trump, but the one item that interested people the most was a one of a kind glass caterpillar made by Alice herself. No one knows how she managed to make such a fine piece of art, but everyone was competing for it. Everyone except the man dressed in a red suit. He was rather insipid over it. A bidding war broke out over the glass caterpillar and people left the auction feeling quite dejected. Everyone except the man in the red suit. He left very happy. Very happy indeed. No one knew if the plan was going to work, but it did. The uneasy partnership between the mad hatter and the red queen ensured both people got exactly what they wanted. The queen finally got rid of the caterpillar for good, and the mad hatter got his hat back that Alice stole. The Overlook Hotel raised more than their goal, which made them happy, and they made Trump happy by inviting him and his family to stay the winter for free.


This short was inspired by:
FOWC with Fandango — compete
Word of the Day Challenge — insipid
Three Things Challenge — caterpillar, hotel, silent

Worth A Thousand Words # 7

Welcome to a new daily photo prompt

Worth A Thousand Words


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Photo credit: xisdom @ pixabay.com

Use the photo prompt above to find your inner muse and set it free. No limits on word count, genre, rating, etc. Let your imagination run wild.

To participate, simply write a story for your blog and either link back directly to this page or post your link in the comments.

Please use WATW as a tag so that I can find your stories easily if the pingbacks don’t work, or you forget to post a link in the comments.

Remember, no word limit, the longer the better, read what other’s have written, and most of all, HAVE FUN!