Jack wasn’t the brightest of fellows, but he thought he was the greatest catch of the century. He had been dating Jessica for about six months and it was time to bring her home and introduce her to his family. More to placate them than much of anything else. Remember, kids grow up believing what their parents tell them, so since Jack thought he was the greatest catch of the century, his parents thought he was the greatest catch in the universe. No one was better than their son, and no ordinary girl was worthy of being with their son.
Now, to say that the apple doesn’t fall from the tree, is often true in many regards when it comes to families, but in this case, Jack must have grown on a different tree, because while he wasn’t very bright, his parents made a dead tree stump look like a genius. Einstein level of genius. Yes, his family were the dimmest bulbs in the box.
One of his mother’s favorite stories was the Princess and the Pea. You know the story of a family who put a single garden pea under a pile of mattresses to see if the girl was a true princess or not. Well, you can guess what happened. Yep. His mother piled all their old springy mattresses on the floor and covered it with a blanket to make it look like a large bed. Since they only had two mattresses and a dog bed, it looked more like a lumpy pile of dirty blankets than a bed. His mother searched all over the house for a can of peas, or even a bag of frozen peas, but since it was a vegetable and they rarely ever ate anything healthy, she couldn’t find one. But…she did manage to find an old green golf ball under the porch. Hey, it’s round and green…it could work, right?
When all the arrangements were made, his mother phoned Jack to say it was okay to bring her over. They drove right over, and Jack introduced Jessica to his family. She was quite reticent and stunningly beautiful. His mother was pleased, and as they stepped over the piles of dirty diapers and animal droppings to get to the living room, Jessica’s nose started to wrinkle, then she started to gag. One sight of the moldy clothes, hundreds of bottles filled with yellow liquid, and the fact that his father was sitting spread eagle on the couch buckass naked, made Jessica turn and run from the house.
She ran down their dirt driveway, out to the highway and started walking toward town when a young man pulled up in a car and offered her a ride. She gladly accepted. Three months later as they were getting married, Jack stopped Jessica on the way into the church and asked why she dumped him for the other guy.
“Silly boy. We all believe in fairy tales,” she said, shaking her head, “but sometimes you find a frog prince and sometimes you just find a toad.”
This short was inspired by the following:
FOWC with Fandango – arrangement
Word of the Day Challenge – placate
Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day – reticent
Three Things Challenge – green, golf ball, mattress
Worth A Thousand Words #11