Don’t Go Swimming

Alexander loved to swim. The family joke was that he was swimming before he learned how to crawl. They lived near Utah Lake, and his family went camping every weekend, so it was entirely possible, but it wasn’t. As much as he loved to swim, he was not a quick learner. It took him six times through the YMCA classes before he even passed polliwog. Twelve years later though, and he was the captain of Skyline’s varsity swim team.

For his high school graduation gift, his parents paid for a trip to the Amazon. He would be starting the University of Utah in the fall in their biology program and they thought it would be a great experience for someone who wanted to be an ichthyologist.

The plane landed, and Alexander was greeted by his hotel van driver. The tour his parents booked were all staying at the Casa del Rio and the first excursion left in the morning.

The tour left in the morning with six older couples and Alexander. Not a great way to start his vacation, but he was enjoying the scenery, so ignored being the odd man out. The guide explained the geography and famous events on their way to the Amazon River. He was only half listening as he had learned about all this in his high school classes.

Rather than staying with the tour group when they reached the river, he ventured off to explore the river’s edge. It was the last time he was seen alive. Stories began circulating about scraps of clothing turning up downstream, but nothing was ever found linking them to Alexander. That was until a fisherman found a black piranha in his net and called for the local biologist who was studying the effect of black piranha on the normal population. Inside the piranha’s stomach was a human molar that eventually tested positive as belonging to Alexander.

More black piranha appeared a few days later, and within a week the local population were being terrorized in their own river. It took military action and drastic ecological damage to rid the river of the pest.


Rejected by the Great British Bake Off – FITB #14 Response

List of Blanks

  • musical instrument — French Horn
  • competition — Tour de France
  • location — Alcatraz
  • occupation x 2 — painter, chicken plucker
  • adjective — fuzzy
  • reality tv show — Great British Bake Off
  • plural noun — sandboxes


All Evan wanted to do with his life was play the French horn. He practiced day in and day out in the family garage. Jessie joined, and they became a duo playing at neighborhood BBQs, then Alice joined, and they started getting gigs at friend’s parties. Eventually they won the local Tour de France and Evan was sure his career was going to finally take off on the national scene.

“I’m sure of it, Mom,” he said as he packed up his car and moved to Alcatraz to pursue his dream.

Once there, his world came crashing as reality of adulthood hit him. He had to earn money while working nights on his musical career. First, he was a painter, then a chicken plucker, then finally an adult video store clerk. Still, it paid the bills and he was fuzzy.

After a few months, Jessie and Alice joined him and they got the group back together. Great British Bake Off came to town and the friends entered. The hated Jessie, loved Alice, and told Evan to not quit his day job. He didn’t. Eventually, he started composing for adult sandboxes, found work as a drag show director, and found a full-time career in music. It was a great life.