What Are You Saying?

Charlie and George threw their lunch sacks on the cafeteria table and sat down. It had been another boring morning and they were looking forward to English class.

“You guys won’t like English today,” Evan said, joining his friends with his hot lunch.

“Why?” George tried opening his Cheetos bag but ripped it completely open and lost half the bag on the floor.

Charlie and Evan laughed.

“We watched Nightmare Before Christmas since it’s Halloween tomorrow.”

George moaned while Charlie made gagging sounds.

“That movie blows,” Charlie said. “How much imagination did it take to come up with that crap?”

“I know,” Evan said.

“Now it would take more work to mash Halloween and New Years.” George considered picking up the Cheetos off the floor but the five-second rule didn’t apply at school. “Or even better would be Valentine’s Day.”

Evan stopped poking at his meatloaf and stared at his friends. “That would be cool, but isn’t that illegal?”

“Illegal?” Charlie asked.

“Why would it be illegal?” George asked.

“Well,” Evan thought about it for a minute. “Halloween is filled with ghosts, werewolves, vampires, and zombies, right?”

“Yeah. And?”

Evan was confused. “What do you mean, ‘and’? Werewolves are animals and bestiality is illegal. Vampires are dead and necrophilia is illegal. –”

“Dude!” George yelled. “What?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said. “What are you trying to say?”

“Well think about it–”

“My girlfriend and I kissing is not illegal,” Charlie protested.

“Well…” George said, thinking about it for a minute. “She is alive and well –”

“You’re a zombie,” Evan said.


“So…you’re dead. You died three years ago. Right?”

“And! What! That makes it necrophilia?”

Evan and George looked at each and shrugged.

“Technically, yeah, man. You’re dead. She’s making out with a dead guy. That’s sort of the definition of necrophilia,” Evan said.

Charlie grabbed his lunch and stormed out of the lunch room and skipped the rest of the day.



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